The Poop Diet

First things first. I need an author's mug shot for my book, so we are going to get our family portrait taken in two weeks and I'll have him shoot a creative photo of me also. So, I need to lose weight fast, so I have one chin instead of two for the pictures.

Enter the Acai berry craze. Everyone from Oprah to me is hopping on the poop diet bandwagon to lose those unwanted pounds. Combine the Acai berry pills with a colon cleanse pill, and you got double the pleasure.

So we started it two days ago, and I report a slight increase in energy and a radical increase in poop and farts. NOBODY talks about this, although a colon cleanse implies poop. They say we are carrying around an extra 10 to 15 pounds in waste around our colons from past meals. So I say bring on the expensive pills...

Probably should have run this by my shrink; there is probably some negative reaction between the Acai berry and anti-depressants. Oh well, I enjoy a good up period in the bi-polar scale and haven't really had one since I started teaching in 05-06. Isn't that what summers are for?