Legends and Harleys

I live in a very small town in the Midwest: under 1,000 people. We have to go to the post office to get our mail, and there is one small grocery store in town. We love it, after living in the capital city for years....our son has the run of the town and we have peace of mind.

But our town gets invaded weekly for "bike night" where the Harleys rumble into town and park downtown. We have live bands every Wednesday night for it, and we can sit on our front porch and jam out. This phenomenon has taken over the Midwest actually -- there are a dozen or so such bike nights in the area that last throughout the summer. Nothing like the roar of an American-made motorcycle to get your innards scrambled.

Last night was a bit different, however. We had a huge bike ride from a nearby town that ended here at the local bar, with several bands playing. The headliner was fucking Edgar Winter...that's right, the albino blues legend himself. Right here in small-town USA. We just walked the two blocks to the bar, walked right in and up front to the stage. We took both our sons and a couple friends, and we jammed the night away. From "Frankenstein" to "Free Ride", this man rocked our socks right off. He was the first to strap on a keyboard, and even played a couple songs with his brother Johnny at freaking Woodstock.

So, after I pooped out my Acai berry, I slept like a baby last night, with visions of a white-haired virtuoso dancing in my head. Of course, the thunderous sound of the Harleys is always in the background -- and my hips still feel the swing of the blues.

AHhhhhhhhhhhh, summer is so good for the soul. It purges old memories and washes the senses with sunshine and rainbows. What fire? What school? What responsibilities?

Think I'll bottle this feeling up and store it away for winter like a squirrell. My cheeks are full of nuts right now and I like it.

Lawyers, Guns and Money

Sing it like Warren Zevon....

Lawyers: I need a high powered lawyer experienced in the First Amendment if I'm gonna take on THE MAN.

Guns: Last night, Perry, my brother-in-law, decided to shoot a bird in the back of the head for no good reason. Earlier that day, my mother sent me an email with a bunch of scare tactics about gun control. Good thing the average citizen can have a gun to shoot innocent wildlife.

Money: We are officially out of money from the insurance company. I have successfully spent every last dime from the comfort of my own home. Click the button and the UPS man miraculously shows up within a few days.

So that's the update, except for the part I am really getting excited about: the part where I get my own author's paradise office above the garage...I already have it decorated in my mind with celestial themed knick-knacks and bean bag chairs and sheets hanging from the ceiling. THIS will be where I create my future. I love public education, but I think my days are numbered simply because I am too "out there."

At least I don't murder innocent things for sport. I got THAT going for me.

The Poop Diet

First things first. I need an author's mug shot for my book, so we are going to get our family portrait taken in two weeks and I'll have him shoot a creative photo of me also. So, I need to lose weight fast, so I have one chin instead of two for the pictures.

Enter the Acai berry craze. Everyone from Oprah to me is hopping on the poop diet bandwagon to lose those unwanted pounds. Combine the Acai berry pills with a colon cleanse pill, and you got double the pleasure.

So we started it two days ago, and I report a slight increase in energy and a radical increase in poop and farts. NOBODY talks about this, although a colon cleanse implies poop. They say we are carrying around an extra 10 to 15 pounds in waste around our colons from past meals. So I say bring on the expensive pills...

Probably should have run this by my shrink; there is probably some negative reaction between the Acai berry and anti-depressants. Oh well, I enjoy a good up period in the bi-polar scale and haven't really had one since I started teaching in 05-06. Isn't that what summers are for?

Inspiration and Motivation

I have decided that I have a few goals. I thought my goal was to become Dr. Ruth all along, in the back of my mind. But I have now let it come forth, and my hubby supports it. I am going to get fired fer sure for publishing the first Thresholds, so after I lose in court, because I will get a lawyer, I will enroll in the grad school of my dreams. I will become Dr. Bleu, Sexologist, and spread the love.

These goals are easy when it is summer and you are a teacher. Seriously. It's fun to lose track of the days, as my Principal orders us to do, and it's fun to have time to reflect. We don't have time to simply reflect on past decisions and to dream of the future.

I have been inspired. Now will I have the motivation to follow through?

Book is to Bed...

...as we say in the journalism field when the final pages of the yearbook get submitted. Kiwi submitted the final batch at 2:20 today, and then we cranked up "Celebration" by Kool and the Gang really loudly and danced around the empty classroom.

I've never had this feeling before: the feeling of closure. In the past 3 years, I've never gotten done on time. EVER. As the faithful reader will remember, I got done in October my first year, in September my second, and in November my third. So, Hallelujah, Amen...I have a full 5 1/2 weeks to look forward to being slovenly.

Slovenly. Dictionary definition is:

Main Entry:

slov·en·ly

Pronunciation:

\ˈslə-vən-lē also ˈslä-\

Function:

adjective

Date:

circa 1568

1 a: untidy especially in personal appearance b: lazily slipshod <slovenly in thought>2: characteristic of a sloven <slovenly habits>

— slo·ven·li·ness noun

— slovenly adverb

OH YEAH. I think I'll shower every third or fourth day, and spend all day social networking until I drop. Plus, I'm working on the finishing touches of Thresholds: and Other Ruminations for the publisher. I have to figure out how to include images, since all my original 300 dpi photos got burned up in the fire. I have them at 72 dpi, but if I crank them up to 300, they turn into little tiny 1 inch photos.

I need to PAUSE, and stop and realize how much I've learned. Enjoy this moment for awhile, and not look to the future and start obsessing about next year already. Take my anti-depressant cocktail and float through the rest of the summer.

Why? Because I am a sloven, and I am a public school teacher. Other teachers have summer jobs and summer goals, but since we are in our lovely house and we are done done done with the 2009 yearbook, I think I'll just chill.

Thank you, Kiwi, for 4 wonderful years. . . you've been there baby, every step of the way. You have a bright future ahead, and I'm pleased to have known you on your journey.

Grrrrrrlfriends

Met with some high school girlfriends last night, and had a luffly time at an old watering hole in the big city. This isn't a big deal for most people, but you see, I am allergic to women. I've always had one or two close girlfriends, and then a slew of male friends. I'm not comfortable with women topics much, like Oprah's Book Club, or which make-up covers up blemishes best, or what shoes to wear with white pants.

I'm much more comfortable saddling up to the TV and watching a good old-fashioned American football game. I know my first down from my P.A.T...and I know when the other team is cheating.

But back to last evening. We sat out on the patio on a cool evening and chatted from 5:30 to 9:00 p.m. We discussed our lives; each giving a report on what's been up since 1986, when we all graduated from college and lost touch. I had a fun tale to tell: got married at 25, had a kid at 28, got divorced at 31, got depressed, got drugs, had a variety of jobs, and ended with being happily married to a wonderful man for ten years.

They wanted to know all about the fire, so I waxed philosophical of the life lessons I think I've learned in the past 5 months. To sum:

1. Shit doesn't matter much, but shit matters greatly.
2. Life is more important than stuff.
3. It's humbling to be on the receiving end of charity.
4. BACK UP your pictures and music and anything that you value, and put it in a safety deposit box.
5. Dissociation is a very comfortable place to be.

So, my grrrlfriends all had life lessons and interesting stories and we had many giggles. Val has the best belly laugh, Terri has the best smile, and Jayne is still the Homecoming Queen in my book. I'd rather have a fire than to go through chemo and radiation due to breast cancer, like Terri, fer sure. I'd rather have a fire than join the Peace Corps (twice) and fight the bugs and sexism in Papua New Guinea like Val.

Time to turn on the TV and catch a Cubbies baseball game.