I barely know my eldest son these days, and it's a damn shame. It's another caffeine-induced late night for me, and I'm really bummed. I have to stalk Son #1 on the internet or text him if I need to talk to him. If I want to talk to him, I'm screwed.
He is a talented young man, as previously established. So talented he participated in a talent show without telling me the date in advance. His father, my ex, says he has to look at the school calendar on the website to know what's going on. What bullshit. I should get an invitation to things like that, via phone call a week or so in advance. I knew he was practicing for it, I just didn't know when the whole thing went down.
Enough self pity. Well, almost enough.
He has girl troubles, and I never know about it until after the fact. I suppose that's normal, but I like to think we are close, and I like to think he should need his mother more for things like that. He told me when his first wet dream was, for chrissake, so why can't he talk to me about his lack of girlfriends or his emerging gay feelings, if any of those are issues? See, I don't even know what the issues are.
He's only a sophomore, but he is nearing 17 and hasn't had a steady girlfriend since middle school. I think he just has bad luck, but the rumour is that he appears to be too self confident, which is bullshit, if he's MY son. We are full of bravado, but lacking in confidence fer sure.
So, anyways, he's missing in action most of the time, and I just have to bend over and take it. Oh well. On to the next drama. I expect it now.
Wednesday, April 29, 2009
Monday, April 27, 2009
Monday Mornings
My week would be great if I could just skip Monday mornings. I always wake up pukey and tired, no matter how much I sleep. Case in point: yesterday, I took a 4 hour nap in the afternoon, woke up for a bit, then slept for a full 8 hours. And yes, this morning, I did the old dry heave routine, plus a little snot. I have slowed down this behavior, for sure, but it still happens on Monday mornings.
I'm just allergic to work. I'm fine once I get there, but the getting there is tough when you have to stop and heave every ten minutes. My brain races with all the stuff I have to do this week, and I wonder what I'm going to wear. The clothes thing is a side-effect of the fire, I'm sure, as I have to piece together an outfit from the throngs of donated clothing every day. I've just been too lazy to buy new stuff, especially when I got lots of nice stuff from other people.
I wonder how many people worldwide are like me -- do other people leap out of bed with a smile on their faces, ready to greet the day? I'd like to meet you, and learn your secrets. Cuz in the meantime, I maintain that Monday mornings are dreadful.
Time to shower: which is a whole other story.
I'm just allergic to work. I'm fine once I get there, but the getting there is tough when you have to stop and heave every ten minutes. My brain races with all the stuff I have to do this week, and I wonder what I'm going to wear. The clothes thing is a side-effect of the fire, I'm sure, as I have to piece together an outfit from the throngs of donated clothing every day. I've just been too lazy to buy new stuff, especially when I got lots of nice stuff from other people.
I wonder how many people worldwide are like me -- do other people leap out of bed with a smile on their faces, ready to greet the day? I'd like to meet you, and learn your secrets. Cuz in the meantime, I maintain that Monday mornings are dreadful.
Time to shower: which is a whole other story.
Saturday, April 25, 2009
Still Waiting
Da man is taking too long to put the house together. They said it would be "3 or 4 days" from the time it was plopped on the foundation. I could go on and on about each contractor, and how everything has a "glitch" but that might bore the casual reader. Just take my word -- it's been a cluster fuck.
I keep having to push back the delivery of the furniture, and now I have to take a day without pay in order to be there. Things are looking hopeless right now, and I'm discouraged. I know I'll be in my new house soon, but it's so close I can taste it. It's been almost 3 months exactly since the fire, and I know that is really not too bad -- to lose your house and get another in 3 months.
But I have this brain problem. This overactive hunk of flesh that makes me obsess about things. I've been wondering lately if I've been misdiagnosed. I think i have traces of obsessive/compulsive disorder in addition to the mildly bipolar swings. I want things to happen quickly, and I have such a hard time waiting -- it's like the feeling right before you take a good dump and it kinda hurts. Once the poop comes out, it's all worth it, but in that split second where there's pain -- that's where I'm stuck.
I keep having to push back the delivery of the furniture, and now I have to take a day without pay in order to be there. Things are looking hopeless right now, and I'm discouraged. I know I'll be in my new house soon, but it's so close I can taste it. It's been almost 3 months exactly since the fire, and I know that is really not too bad -- to lose your house and get another in 3 months.
But I have this brain problem. This overactive hunk of flesh that makes me obsess about things. I've been wondering lately if I've been misdiagnosed. I think i have traces of obsessive/compulsive disorder in addition to the mildly bipolar swings. I want things to happen quickly, and I have such a hard time waiting -- it's like the feeling right before you take a good dump and it kinda hurts. Once the poop comes out, it's all worth it, but in that split second where there's pain -- that's where I'm stuck.
Tuesday, April 21, 2009
New House Phoon #1
This is the first official Phoon at the new house, taken just before the two halves were brought together. It's symbolic in many ways:1. I have got my groove back, my Phoon groove that is. First one since the fire.
2. The house is almost set on the foundation. The man hasn't given us the keys yet, and won't give us more than, "a few days" as our timeframe. Try scheduling furniture delivery drivers and days off with THAT.
3. Insert your own symbolism here.
I'm tired. But all is well in Phoonland. Phuckin' A.
I Remember Now
I'm up late, but it's all good. Once a month we have deadline nights for newspaper, where we work from after school to around 10 PM. It's alternatively a blast and a nightmare. Sometimes teenage hormones over ride the ability to concentrate on journalism. Sometimes we turn the music up loud and dance. Sometimes we cry together over censorship and boyfriends.
Tonight was, as a friend of ours says, a "smooth shift." I took several breaks throughout the night because things were going so swell. Nobody was AWOL, nobody had drama, and nobody really needed me. Since we're now living a few blocks from the school in our rental property, this was no big deal. It's one thing that I actually like about living in the big city, as opposed to our little berg 20 minutes up the road.
So, when things go well, I remember why I chose education. I remember why I decided to take a pay cut to hang out with pubescent teens all day. I know the feeling of a well-oiled classroom machine -- one where students are trained well and socialize well and learn whilst having fun.
Ah, yes, I remember now.
Tonight was, as a friend of ours says, a "smooth shift." I took several breaks throughout the night because things were going so swell. Nobody was AWOL, nobody had drama, and nobody really needed me. Since we're now living a few blocks from the school in our rental property, this was no big deal. It's one thing that I actually like about living in the big city, as opposed to our little berg 20 minutes up the road.
So, when things go well, I remember why I chose education. I remember why I decided to take a pay cut to hang out with pubescent teens all day. I know the feeling of a well-oiled classroom machine -- one where students are trained well and socialize well and learn whilst having fun.
Ah, yes, I remember now.
Friday, April 10, 2009
Sandee Dunk
My bestest friend in the world is Sandee Dunk. We have known each other since my freshman year of college in 1981, where we bonded one drunken night at a fraternity house. She is responsible for creating the monster that I still am: introduced me to lots of vices and fetishes.
All of which, I am eternally grateful for.
Like smoking cigarettes, drinking beer, eating delivery pizza late at night, and making love unconditionally. These were the values of my youth. And Sandee Dunk helped form them on the beaches of Florida and the dorms of State City.
Now, as adults, we have reconnected. We had seen each other every other year or so until about 10 years ago. We had a kinda bad visit back then: she's now allergic to cigarette smoke and was very judgmental about our smoking, so she spent a lot of time simply trying to breathe. She has a body type that produces a lot of phlegm, so she is sensitive to it. But we were smokers, and smokers have to smoke.
This time, Sandee and her son stayed at a hotel in town, so no smoke! We actually had quit for years too, in the time we didn't visit, but we started again last summer when we were under all the stress of the law and the man. (See "Thresholds: and other ruminations.")
We had a luffly visit this past Easter weekend. She came up to play our "personal shopper" because we didn't want to go shopping. She made us go out, and in two hours we spent $10,000 on brand-spanking new furniture at two local marts. We will have a matching house with matching furniture -- what a fucking concept. Never in my life have all my things coordinated with such Martha Stewart-like aplomb.
Wheeeeeeee. So, Sandee helped us usher in a new era. An era of hope and Spring...an era where we look forward rather than backward, where we don't cry about things we lost -- instead we jump for joy about things we are gaining.
All of which, I am eternally grateful for.
Like smoking cigarettes, drinking beer, eating delivery pizza late at night, and making love unconditionally. These were the values of my youth. And Sandee Dunk helped form them on the beaches of Florida and the dorms of State City.
Now, as adults, we have reconnected. We had seen each other every other year or so until about 10 years ago. We had a kinda bad visit back then: she's now allergic to cigarette smoke and was very judgmental about our smoking, so she spent a lot of time simply trying to breathe. She has a body type that produces a lot of phlegm, so she is sensitive to it. But we were smokers, and smokers have to smoke.
This time, Sandee and her son stayed at a hotel in town, so no smoke! We actually had quit for years too, in the time we didn't visit, but we started again last summer when we were under all the stress of the law and the man. (See "Thresholds: and other ruminations.")
We had a luffly visit this past Easter weekend. She came up to play our "personal shopper" because we didn't want to go shopping. She made us go out, and in two hours we spent $10,000 on brand-spanking new furniture at two local marts. We will have a matching house with matching furniture -- what a fucking concept. Never in my life have all my things coordinated with such Martha Stewart-like aplomb.
Wheeeeeeee. So, Sandee helped us usher in a new era. An era of hope and Spring...an era where we look forward rather than backward, where we don't cry about things we lost -- instead we jump for joy about things we are gaining.
Sunday, April 5, 2009
Seeds
Hubby is talking putting in grass seed in our new house. It's nice to be thinking about that on this fine, Sunday morning. As usual, we started off the morning with Elvis gospel, and have now moved on to dreaming a bit.
(time warp)
That was last Sunday. Found this started in the drafts -- wonder where I was going with it?
But this Sunday, we are still listening to Elvis gospel, and are still dreaming. The house should be delivered middle of the week, and finished by weeks' end. This is soon, but not damn soon enough! I'm anxious and excited and all these mixed emotions.
See, we bought $10,000 worth of brand-spanking new furniture for the house on Friday. Now I can picture the beautiful stuff in the awesome house, and I can't freakin' wait for it to all come together. We have virtually no "STUFF" for this house, aside from the furniture to be delivered. We've been waiting to make most purchases until the house arrives, mainly because hubby is afraid to spend the insurance money, or any money, ever, period.
But it's gonna be like this grandly furnished stately ranch home -- when before we had this fixer-upper with hardly any usable living space. Now we'll have nearly 3,500 square feet to ramble around in between the house and the basement. And I repeat, we have no STUFF. So it's gonna be neat and clean and so damn cool.
We never expected to be doing this, though, is where the mixed feelings come in. We miss our stuff, and we miss our old hellish house. But soon the new stuff will feel like ours, and we will survive.
The seeds are planted, is where I guess I was going with this.
(time warp)
That was last Sunday. Found this started in the drafts -- wonder where I was going with it?
But this Sunday, we are still listening to Elvis gospel, and are still dreaming. The house should be delivered middle of the week, and finished by weeks' end. This is soon, but not damn soon enough! I'm anxious and excited and all these mixed emotions.
See, we bought $10,000 worth of brand-spanking new furniture for the house on Friday. Now I can picture the beautiful stuff in the awesome house, and I can't freakin' wait for it to all come together. We have virtually no "STUFF" for this house, aside from the furniture to be delivered. We've been waiting to make most purchases until the house arrives, mainly because hubby is afraid to spend the insurance money, or any money, ever, period.
But it's gonna be like this grandly furnished stately ranch home -- when before we had this fixer-upper with hardly any usable living space. Now we'll have nearly 3,500 square feet to ramble around in between the house and the basement. And I repeat, we have no STUFF. So it's gonna be neat and clean and so damn cool.
We never expected to be doing this, though, is where the mixed feelings come in. We miss our stuff, and we miss our old hellish house. But soon the new stuff will feel like ours, and we will survive.
The seeds are planted, is where I guess I was going with this.
Saturday, April 4, 2009
IRL
That's geek speak for "in real life."
I live a wonderful, full life IRL. My house may have burned to the ground, but I'm still happy inside.
'Nuff said for a mildly bi-polar SAD manic-depressive person in the middle of winter.
I live a wonderful, full life IRL. My house may have burned to the ground, but I'm still happy inside.
'Nuff said for a mildly bi-polar SAD manic-depressive person in the middle of winter.
Leader Nao...
So, what does this all mean? It means that I'm in the second most bad-ass group on MHA, and they picked me to be a leader this morning! It means my peers approve of me! Wheeeeeee. It's always nice to be recognized for leadership qualities. Now if I could only get off my ass and make money being a leader...now THERE's a thought!
Maybe tomorrow?
Maybe tomorrow?
Subscribe to:
Comments (Atom)
